so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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