I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize