at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
