Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
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