so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
