Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
