the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize