i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
