i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
