I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
