He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
