Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
