sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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