If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
