Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
