I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
