wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
When are your genitals available?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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