I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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