Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize