every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
