my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You are a genius and a whore.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
