I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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