If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
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