He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
