the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
only if we run a train.
done.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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