dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
