The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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