I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
