Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
