What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize