You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
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