i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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