Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
