3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
