I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
