if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
drinking out of a sandbucket again
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
