I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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