the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
