if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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