I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize