but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize