I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
