you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
