like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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