I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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