doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
