Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
