I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Damn victory sex feels great
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
