I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
God, I missed his penis.
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