Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
