You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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