Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
