i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
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