i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
