upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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