I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
