I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
