I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
