The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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