I hate your face
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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