There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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