two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize