My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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