i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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