college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
